Monday, 10 January 2011

The Life & Times of a Single Social Butterfly

The most difficult part of being single and over 30 isn't the perpetual loneliness, the redundant regurgitated "get to know" me lines or constant potential for rejection and humiliation.

It's being "that guy".

Its being the one guy at the end of the dinner table who whose (married or coupled-up) friends most certainly pre-introduce him to other singles as, "Oh, my friend [so and so] is going to be there, he's sooo much fun!'


I feel the glances as people survey the room at the party or join the table, like they're picking out the person from the ad in craigslist to buy a dvd player and agreed to meet at a coffee shop...and I can't help but hear them all thinking, "Oh he's kind of cute, seems funny, why's he still single?"

Why does it bother me?

Because "that guy" is the charming permanently single ladies-dude that is fun, relatively handsome but ends up being 45, still single, less handsome and growing more pathetic with each weekend out attempting to squeeze the last few ounces of charisma out of the garlic press that is his former personality. Ya, that guy.

I don't like that guy.

And also, I don't prefer to be single.

I'd like to think that after a few minutes I genuinely come across as a sincere & respectful gentlemen, but due to being blessed with what can only be described as an "infectious" personality coupled with an uber-friendly demeanor and an undying need for adventure(attention?), I fear I am often lumped in as just another one of those "fun" dudes just out for a good time.

Now don't get me wrong, I DO like to have a good time, and I LOVE to take people along for the ride, but within all of my wild adventures and spontaneity, I'd much rather just have somebody rad to wake up with every morning.

I have had that before.

Radness I mean.

I can safely say that in 30+ years I have been in love 3 times. One was a high school sweetheart. 5 years. But as the poster child for attention deficit disorder it was a mish mash of misguided feelings and fulfillment of the deep seeded need for a family.

Another was the most passionate, perfect, blissfull amazing 2 years I have ever experienced with another human. But being so young and inexperienced in life, it obviously blew up when we were faced with legitimate life lessons, and it traumatized me for...well...ever I think.

And lastly, this story begins with me as a newly single thirty something after close to 5 years of a relationship that abruptly ended at the exact point it was going to begin gettin all fur real n shizz. And honestly, I'm glad it ended..

But now I am faced with a strange and terrifying predicament:

I don't know how to do this! 

I've been thrust into a world where I'm no longer me and somebody... I'm just me.

From waking up alone,  to defining what a home is, to putting myself "out there" for....shit....whatever...this has been the most challenging personal experience of my life, and most of it has been hilarious.

This isn't advice, this isn't the answer to anything. I'm just a dude. Trying to figure it out.


  1. Sometimes I think we never really do figure it out. No matter what point we think we get to where it all makes sense, and we "get it" there's still one more thing to learn that's going to knock us flat on our asses. They key is to be able to find someone who won't look at that as tragic landing, so much as a way to help each other back up, learn the lesson and move forward.

    You're a good guy, I think. Unless you're a serial killer, because my judgment has been off before. I have a good feeling that that whole bullshit line "When you're not looking, she comes and finds you" will happen for you.

    And I'll be all happy and shit for you.

  2. This is so true. I think the worst thing about being single is the labeling and categorizing that you automatically fall into as a single person. People assume things about your life (promiscuity, sadness, instability, etc., etc.) Keep trying to figure it out.

    I have a blog very similar to yours, check it out sometime...


  3. Hey! I just read through your blog and I love the stories! You're an excellent writer, and I am sure this blog is somewhat therapeutic for you. Keep the posts coming :)


  4. To be honest, I'm a little confused by the references to your personality as "infectious" and being...I'm not sure if this is what you were saying...but like someone that everyone else already knows a version of...because neither of those sound like great things...

    Hit me with more detail please...well...if you want ;)

    1. Ya, when those things come up, I'm like awww crap, I'm "that" guy? But then I forget about it. I think its funny mostly. I guess I'd rather not think that about myself, but I sort of don't care. Its a tad self deprecating to acknowledge that stuff about yourself and laugh, I just hope that I actually have a bit of perspective about me. But I guess if I didn't, I wouldn't know that I didnt? And then I'd just be a giant douche. So I guess, in conclusion...I have no idea, these are just my thoughts, not so much a road map of my psyche...that would be terrifying.