What I will add is that over the last few months I've contemplated the "lesson" or "message" I was supposed to learn from it.
Through any single experience, we all get bombarded with the same cliche advice about what has happened. The "it wasn't meant to be's" and the "things happen for a reason's".
To which I like to reply: "Suck it".
I can't find the lesson I was supposed to learn, or what I am supposed to have discovered about myself, all that I've concluded is that girls are dumb, and maybe I should just be a gay.
I often say that I don't believe in "fate" or some omnipotent plan that leads us all to where we end up. Call it cynical or jaded, I just think that sometimes cool stuff happens, and sometimes it doesn't.
I guess thats a glimpse into my lack of spiritualism or something, but the way I see it, "Fate", "The Universe" and "Timing" are three dudes sitting around doing shots of tequila one-upping each other on just how crazily they can eff with me.
And those three guys are actually hilarious, and if it wasn't me it was happening to, I'd probably be laughing alongside them. But it is happening to me. And If I saw all three of them walking down the street, I would kick them all in the junk. Repeatedly.
I've tried my best to not act like a pathetic heartbroken dweeb during the whole time, but even as I write this and think about what happened...that so much aligned so perfectly, that it seemed like The Universe and Fate and Timing had all collaborated to send me a message saying "Hey, we were just screwing with you, this is what its really supposed to be like, no hard feelings"...it still stings on a very strange level.
Sometimes things end for a reason. I reflect back on my last long term relationship and its very blatant as to why we shouldn't be together. It didn't make the break up easier at all, that shit hurts no matter what, but you can connect the dots. I can with all of my past relationships. Most of us can.
But this one was different. There are no dots. It just is what it is, which frankly is the most mind-bending thing to wrap your brain and heart around. When the answer isn't there. When maybe there is no answer. When I constantly have this conversation with people:
Them: Hey what happened to that girl you were all excited about?
Me: Ya, ummm...it didn't work out.
Them: Oh really, thats too bad, what happened?
Me: Ummm...I don't know really.
Them: Well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Me: Go fuck yourself.
It's been a little while now, and I'm doing well, but there's still this strange itch that cant be scratched.
Like that cut on the roof of your mouth you can't stop messing with with your tongue.
They say time heals all wounds, but for me, "Time" is "Timing's" cousin, and I want to punch that sunovabitch in the face.
O hai. If you've just run across this blog, check out my first post, it might explain this a bit more.